Fill My Hole
You know that fire in your belly when you're hungry? That glint in your eye when you're horny? That skip in your step when you're passionate about something?
Don't lose it. And for god's sake, stop trying to bury it.
Each of us contains a deep-seated inborn sense of lack; it is the eternal human condition and the cornerstone upon which most religions and philosophies are built. The Buddha, for example, said that your cravings (desires which attempt to fill that hole) are the very cause of your suffering. The thought is:
- Since you will never ultimately be fulfilled, you're only setting yourself up for frustration and disappointment if you seek fulfillment.
- Therefore, desire should be overcome.
Cool, Buddha, but here's a different perspective: that empty space that seems to eclipse your happiness is in fact not a curse but a tremendous boon - and the search to "fill your hole," while ultimately futile, is the very thing that gives life its power and juice and well… LIFE.
If you allow it, that anxious buzz in you can be the fuel that drives you. That discontentment that feels like pain can actually help you to spring out of bed in the morning and tackle life. Don't be concerned, friend, about the sadness and lack in you. Celebrate it. Own it. Let it push you like a goddamned rocket. Breathe it down deep and feel the energy surging up and through all of your limbs. That "unffff" you feel when you see something that REALLY turns you on? Go after life like THAT.
Don't be fooled, however. Reaching your goals and fulfilling your desires will never make you happy. In fact when you get the guy, when you land the job, when you realize your fantasies, when you buy the house - you will be disillusioned. It will not satisfy you or fill the hole, but that does not mean you should not pursue or desire it.
At the risk of sounding like a kitchen magnet: screw the destination; the journey is exactly the point.
Most of us do not celebrate our discontentment but rather are annoyed and pained by it. So what do we do? We mask it or deplete it. We smoke weed, we jerk off, we drink heavily - not to feel more deeply - but to shut off our thoughts and distract our dis-ease in a thousand different ways.
Take sex for instance. When you've got "the urge to merge" there is a craving in your body/mind that feels like an electric buzz. Your frantic search for fulfillment is a pursuit to make that buzzing end. But I would also wager to say that at the same time you're feeling horny and needy, you're also more alert, more eager for life and [very likely] more loving (all of which will certainly deplete the minute you get your rocks off). Instead of seeking release from all of your longings, what if you were to harness them, feel them circulate in your body and utilize that eager energy like a tamed (but extraordinarily powerful) bull between your legs?
Now take that and relate it to finances, to career, to spirituality, to any of your needs:
- Feel your lack deeply;
- Celebrate your longing for things to be different than what they are right now;
- Find contentment - not in the satiation or fulfillment of your desires and goals - but in the unsatisfied, buzzy hunger itself.
Suddenly life is juicy and yummy and full of spark and opportunity. You are more attracted to your partner, you pursue financial opportunities with vigor and you sensually and enthuastically enjoy the challenge and process along the way. Unfff.
By Trevor Harden
Artwork: "Finger Sex" by Tina Lug. Used with permission - check out her amazing site!