Viewing entries tagged
intention

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Go, Do and Be... Anything

Your eyes slowly open; it’s morning: a large block of conscious awareness lies before you like an empty scroll. Chances are you go through your routine and head out the door. Or if you’re a little more tuned in you may ask yourself, "What will the day hold? What unforeseen experiences await? I wonder what will happen today?"

But you're asking the wrong fucking questions.

There is a world of difference between a day chosen deliberately by conscious intention and one left to the winds of change, distraction and momentary urgencies. Your mammalian brain can and will lead you around all day fulfilling subtle and not-so-subtle bodily urges, seeking dopamine-spiking experiences and making choices based on comfort and fear.

Do you realize that today you can go, do and be… anything? Of course there are limitations such as needy children and an employer that is expecting you to show up. But if you wanted it enough, you could literally do anything. Like, today, goddamnit.

  • Call right now to hire a babysitter, sit on a dock and fish for 2 hours.
  • Take one 20-minute internet course to start learning French.
  • Go night swimming under a clear, starry sky. Include clothes if you must.
  • Surprise your lover with a sweet note written on the bathroom mirror using a dry erase marker.

But day after fucking day we do the same things, go the same places, taste the same juices. We are The Walking Dead pushed and pulled by primal urges and blind unconsciousness. 

Which leads us to perhaps the biggest question of all: “What do you WANT?”

So what’cha, what’cha, what’cha, want? (What’cha want?)
— Beastie Boys

If you’re like me, you may not know at times. It’s often a long and painful experience of figuring that out. And that’s the subject for another post on another day. But let’s say you’ve got some ideas. You know what you want to do and be. Then what?

  1. Write it the fuck down. Get it out of your head and down on a page or a smartphone journal app or whatever. If it’s your intention to drive to Vancouver, you don’t just in a car and start down the highway - taking whatever road you “feel” like at each intersection. If you did, God knows where you’d end up, but it won’t be Canada. Know where you’re going, map it out and take deliberate steps to get there.
  2. Every morning set your alarm for 15 minutes earlier than you already do. Wake up and go over a self-made WORKSHEET. Make this part of your habit; copy the previous day's text, paste in a new entry, erase yesterday's input and start over. Perhaps it looks something like this:

DAILY INTENTIONS

Spiritual Practice (spirit): Meditate at 7:30am
Exercise (body): Leg workout at 5:45 tonight
Read (mind): Finish Chapter 3 tonight in bed
Spouse (love): Bring home flowers at lunchtime
Help (serve): Shoot a brief encouragement text to Steve
Create (creation): Start backdrop on painting
Learn (growth): 15-min Spanish lesson over breakfast

Or maybe you sub in other “line items” such as categories for Play, Sexual Exploration, Pet, Children, etc.

This doesn’t mean any of this is inflexible or carved in stone. You should be willing every day to take ALL of your plans, burn them with fire and piss on the ashes if the cosmic winds blow circumstances into your path. As 38 Special said, “Hold On Loosely!” - forgive yourself and SURRENDER to what you cannot control. Hell, maybe all of this control of will and autonomy is an illusion anyway. 

Lastly, you might read through the Worksheet above and say - “That’s way too much; there’s no way! That would require constant attention and to always be living by a notebook.” So start small and add over time. Does this kind of artful living require more focus and effort than the common, modern mindlessness? You bet your sweet, round little ass.  But one thing I know for certain: 

No one accidentally gets good at anything.
No one unintentionally stumbles into a long-lasting,
     amazing relationship.
Or unwittingly builds an empire.
Or inadvertently books a plane to sightsee Peru.
Or wakes up one day to see a life they truly desire. 

There’s a way. You’re just being a puss about it. The only limitation is your imagination and your will.

By Trevor, The Edge of Spirit

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Slow Ride

Transient

I'm all for rough sex, don't get me wrong.

There's nothing like a good, sharp slap to the face or animalistic thrash-fest to allow two people to get out of their heads, play with power-exchange and ride their edge. In fact, it's my go-to M.O. 

But lately I've been thinking about and experimenting with something altogether different. Not better or worse, just different.  Something more intentional and deliberate. Less biting and more 'being.' Less gritting-through-the-tension and more relaxation. Less primal and more ... spiritual? (Whatever that means.)

If you've got a willing partner who's up for a challenge, this may be something to try. But be forewarned that it's going to take a lot of effort and practice. Even getting in "the mood" for something like this is something you'll need to ease into. Take a long, warm bath together, perhaps followed by some massage or oral. Whatever. But you both have to be free from stresses and mental anxieties of any kind.

Ready? Alright. Be 100% present - as if the purpose of that moment isn't to grind through your pent-up desires but to be fully with him or her. Warm yourselves up and when penetration occurs (yum, by the way) - see how ridiculously slowly this can take place, never losing connection or presence. Now STOP. Literally be still and full inside one another. Let some heat build up. Move through your normal series of positions but instead of your normal physical activity, be as nuanced and artful and motionless as possible. Every time your eyes or presence drifts away, bring it back (sort of like a Vipassana breath practice that involves your naughty bits). 

The need to start pounding away (or receiving a pounding) will be vicious, like an incredible itch that you cannot scratch. Every part of your being will grow more and more on fire, but don't cave. Stay with your partner like a frickin' laser beam. Push through it and keep breathing, occasionally rocking gently but only enough to recharge. Let whatever emotions are under the surface come bubbling up. Maybe you'll cry. Maybe you'll manifest a deep care and compassion for your partner. Whatever it is, relax into it and feel it fully. 

When you feel you've fully connected and want to end, well then you're done. And no coming (unless it just naturally happens). Whereas you normally blast out all your energy, become depolarized and pass out, melting away into sleepytime on opposite sides of the bed, now you settle down still full of heat and connection. Don't be surprised if you fall asleep tucked into your lover's nook. A connection - a magnetic charge - has been intensified and the act is truly and literally "making love." Your genitals may not explode, but your hearts just might. 

Or you could just fuck like horny livestock and come all over her tits. That's totally cool too.

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I Sold My Soul For This?

"Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?

Most nights, I don't know anymore..."
["Some Nights" by Fun.]

When was the last time you looked yourself in the mirror and asked why you're alive? Jesus fuck, people. Are we living on purpose or are we simply reacting to a neverending barrage of urgencies?  No one is stopping us from living an unconscious life, playing victim to all the demands and requirements of a needy world. Sleepwalk if you want to, just don't expect to ever have a deep rooted peace. And be prepared to check out at the end of your life as a Grade-A pussy who was ground into a nub and lost the game of life. 

We must ask ourselves the hard questions. We need to find time to center, to turn in, to inquire. If we do not, our actions will only stem from what Zen teacher Cheri Huber calls "egocentric, karmic conditioning." Our habitual, reactive responses will make our decisions for us and we will be driven and compelled solely by base-level urges and whims. One day we wake up and realize that the life we're living is built upon two things: fear and what other people have expected from us.

"So this is it? I sold my soul for this?
Washed my hands of that for this?
I miss my mom and dad for this?"

Jesus of Nazareth is said to have asked, "What benefit is it for a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?" Good question, Jesus. The thing is - a life that ends with one's soul intact doesn't happen naturally. There's too much "egocentric, karmic conditioning" circulating for that. It takes intention. And no one can do that work for us; it's something we have to do individually and on purpose.

This week make it a point to find time to sit quietly. Hell, start right now. Begin to ask who you are, what you stand for, what drives you, what the purpose of your life is. Then shut the fuck up, stop talking and just listen. These answers don't come easily; even though they may arise instantaneously, they most often take years.

When you make the effort to know who you are and what you stand for, you then can begin making decisions based on your deepest truth. You can go to bed at night with peace - knowing that you rocked the shit out of your day. And as you draw nearer to the big GAME OVER, even if you gained nothing in the worldly sense, you know with confidence that your "soul" was intact.

"What do I stand for? What do I stand for?" Only you can know for sure.

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